It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything inside my head & transformed it to letters scribbled on paper. I’ve been busy lately, really busy, the tumultuous account of challenges in my life have stacked on top of each other & they seem to be relentless. But in between the rapid flow of time & situation in my life, God still gives me ample of time, in spaces between, to stop, look & listen. To reflect & realize. One of it is: Are we completely being honest to ourselves? Or are we denying things to ourselves?
Have you folks ever asked that question? Can you honestly tell yourselves that you consciously give yourselves time to reflect on things? To interact with the invisible phantom-like, sleight of hand events, both absurd & amazing, which we call life? The unfortunate answer I bet, is NO. Let’s be honest, we’re busy with the challenges, responsibilities, hardships & problems we deal with on an everyday basis. Some of us will (I will not use the word “might” because we all know that is not what happens) say “I’m too busy. I have no time for that.” Or as a famous meme with a picture of an African-American woman smiling from ear to ear with a caption “Ain’t nobody got that time fo’ that!”. Let’s be honest, that is what we usually say. But be honest, is that what’s really happening? Or is that nothing more than just an excuse & what you really want to say is “I’m tired, worn-out, exhausted & I deserve some rest so get the hell away.” Or “I don’t need an extra burden. I already have an amazing amount of bucket list for my responsibilities.” It’s alright if we don’t tell people these things for as you can see they are quite offensive (especially the first one) but the question is: Is that what you tell yourself? Or are the words “I’m too busy” already hard-wired in your soul?
If your answer to the first question is yes & to the second one no, then bless your soul, you are brave enough to be honest to admit such a taboo subject to yourself. But if your answer is vice versa, then I suggest you change the scope of your mind, because you are lying to yourself. You are corrupting & polluting your mind with an excuse that if you further tolerate, will later on become a leech slowly sucking the life out of you.
What happens when you tolerate an excuse? What happens when you lie? What happens when you deviate & construct a distraction to cover up the truth? Obviously, you become a liar. A sham. A con-artist. You become a Jester, offering lies as diversions to keep the truth from putting your head in a guillotine. What happens when you do that to yourself? You imprison yourself in a void of nothingness. You wear the mask of the Abyss, dark, cold & empty, with nothing to cling on to for you have condemned yourself to false statements just to escape the judgement of truth. Every time you look at yourself in the mirror you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. You become the physical form of your lie. You become someone you’re not, you then lose the life you dreamed of & you start living & wearing the skin of your own lies.
Lying is never good. You destroy lives, decimate trusts, invoke false promises, erect false hopes that later on topples down like a house made of cards. If you do that to yourself, well, the consequences are even more catastrophic. You create an unreal being, your foundations in yourself becomes brittle, you wear a mask in which you’ve forgotten the person behind it, you lose your life, you transform into the word “deceit”, you become mediocre. Now be honest, would you want that?